Assertiveness Training Pillows

"Caller, let me stop you right there. Your problem is you're a doormat! You need to march right back in there and tell him you don't take orders from any man, and if he wants dinner he can fix it himself!"

Ego Increasing School

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who wasn't about to take anyone's sh*t."

"Why do dogs wag their tails? Because it always brings results."

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

"We've found a marvelous trainer for Rex."

Agility God

"I'm seeing some dominance issues."

Dog Training Academy and the Cat Anarchy Club.

"...do they teach manners at obedience school?"

"You need to stand up for yourself, or at least sit up straight."

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

"We only got up to three 'whys' and a 'what the hell'."

Dogs are smart enough to understand human commands. Cats are smart enough to ignore them.

Jump Boy!God, your life must be dull.

'I can see the practical side of fetching, but what's the point of rolling over?'

Project Manager Showdown

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

"Yeah, I've put on a lot of weight, but my master's favourite command is "sit, sit, sit!" I barely ever get to exercise..."

'I'm tired of sitting and staying.'

'I want a dog who will fetch my things, so don't sell me one that drools.'

'The answer is still no. I may look like a pushover, but I'm not.'

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

"What, again? You've gotta be kidding me!"

"Text!"

"Not until you fetch the other one."

'The vet will see, you know!'

"Well, I guess that old saying really is true: the squeaky wheel gets the grease!"

'Out of the blue, my Master is now obsessed with having me sit, shake hands and rollover...'

'Let me put this in dog terms: Woof! Woof! Bark! Bark! Bow-wow-wow!'

"Science has proven that if you don't know what you're talking about, people will still take you seriously if you act like you do...Especially if you back it up by saying 'Science has proven' it."

Cruel Pet Tricks

"House training's not so bad - you soon get used to it and, if you play your cards right, you'll get lots of treats."