Aspiring Mvps Gifts

'You're failing chemistry!' 'But...you're taking away my dream of becoming a professional athlete!'

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"Remember, kids, it's not winning that matters, it's getting a clean urine sample that's important."

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

'Billy! Set your homework aside and get down here. There's another basketball recruiter here to see you.'

'My long-range goal is to turn pro and lead the league in product endorsements.'

'Oh for heaven's sake, Jim... all he wants to do is perform a vasectomy on you.'

"We won again, and guess what? A Russian oligarch wants to buy us!"

'The 'most improved player of the year award' or the 'you don't suck as much as you did last year award' goes to...'

'Make sport of the Queen.'

I'd like to request a transfer to a household offering a higher allowance and fewer choices.

"This is the little league. You can't negotiate a signing bonus"

'Okay, let's negotiate. Just how good do I have to be?'

"Well, if I can't get an increase based on merit, how about one based on the cost of living beyond my means?"

"Shouldn't be long before we're at the top."

'I seriously doubt if you've attained Nirvana yet - You've only been fasting and meditating for fifteen minutes.'

"Attention, please. At 8:45 A.M. on Tuesday, July 29, 2008, you are all scheduled to take the New York State Bar Exam."

'No, Billy, their first baseman is messing with your head. You won't go to hell for stealing second.'

"A movie deal, a recording contract, clothing line, rehab, first marriage, fragrance, baby, second marriage, reality show …"

"I enjoyed your request for a raise. I've seldom read a more aspirational document."

"It's been my lifelong ambition! For the last two weeks."

'Next time up, I'm calling my shot: I'm pointing to the catcher's mitt.'

'It's 'any little boy CAN grow up to be President ' -- It's not a REQUIREMENT.'

'Something tells me he's going to be a basketball player.'

'...If you really loved me, you'd transfer me to a preschool with a winning team.'

'Remember, my dear, it's just a starter castle.'

Five year time...

"No, mine has a gold band with diamonds, fleurs-de-lis, and four arches topped by a jewelled cross."

'I don't believe in pressuring my son. When the time is right, he'll arrive at the universal default choice and apply to law school.'

"Some commentators say one of the political parties needs a Hispanic vice president candidate."

"They're not rich-rich, but they're rich enough so that we wouldn't feel uncomfortable around them."

"I'm Miss Missouri, but my goal is to become Miss California."

'You're at that awkward age, Danforth, still thinking of promotion.'

'It's called the 'Ask your boss for a raise' diet.'