Aspiring Negotiators Gifts

'It's called the 'Ask your boss for a raise' diet.'

I'd like to request a transfer to a household offering a higher allowance and fewer choices.

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

"A student skipped a model U.N. meeting – now he's claiming diplomatic immunity."

'You think I'm crazy; I think you're crazy...finally some common ground!'

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

Tug of Negotiation and Conciliation.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."

Changing Minds

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

"You can build it with me, but you can't wreck it with me."

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

'First, I'd like to list the mitigating circumstances.'

'Maybe you should reconsider those place cards, Ms Harris?' (Negotiation talks/Good Guys/Bad Guys)

"Let me get this, but keep in mind that you'll pay for it in other, more subtle ways later on."

"So do I take it that's a 'NO' to the pay rise?"

"Finally we have something in common...mutual distrust."

"Before we begin, we'd like to remind you that we're an employee owned company."

We pay the maximum minimum wage.

"I am not ‘politicizing the issue’ — I simply asked you to pick up your room!"

"Just to get the negotiations off on the right foot, I don't intent to concede anything."

"Before we start our wages negotiation talks, the lads would like to congratulate the chairman on his 83% salary increase."

"Your interest in the salary makes me wonder how 'self-motivated' you really are."

A successful meeting! Only one member left in a rage shouting obcenities.

'My final offer.'

'Sir, for Heavens' sake, stop screaming! It's just Mr Winkleberger asking for a raise!'

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

'If negotiations sour, throw a handful in his eyes.'

"The union is objecting to our 'grotesquely inflated' wages, do you think they'd settle for 'outrageously inflated' instead?"