Artistic Performance Gifts

Brava

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

They hated me.

Showbiz Awards

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." - Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics.

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

Cimafunk

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

Guitarist

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

A fairy with wand and crown in pink tutu

"When is my next parole hearing?"

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

A Guide to Balloon Animals

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

"Extreme miming"

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

Comedy Cafe

Anthropologists discover the earliest known depiction of Jazz Hands.

Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

Stand-up Romcom

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

Modern Major General

Taking a peek at the audience

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

Piano Recital