Performance Artist Gifts

"Well, the tickets sure as hell weren't minimal."

'Come home to your family, Harold. You are ruining the Chippendale's.'

Performance Artist - Gone to put you off your lunch.

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

Ice-Skating Disaster.

"Try thinking of this as a totally immersive performance art installation."

Funding Cuts for the Arts

'Oooh, I see we have a celebrity among us tonight.'

'I did not say you'd be famous after two or three shows! These things take time!'

Encyclopedic Novel Slam.

Panto Horse on the Subway

"I quit- the wages are a joke and I can't stand the funny hours."

"These days even perfomance art is digital"

Escape Artists.

Street violinists unknowingly plays a concert.

POETRY READING FROM HELL: '1001 Recovering and Healing Haikus.'

A bloke went up with a rope, and disappeared.

Performance Artist, Performance Spectator

A North pole dancer.

'Now, using only my mind, I will bend this spoon.'

"That's Julian you can hear, he's really arty-farty this evening"

'Looks like that Russian artist's scrotum nailed to the cobbles in Red Square.'

Needle Toilet.

'I need you to be thinking outside the box.'

"They're texting it in."

'Just 2 bouquets? I paid for a dozen.'

Welcome to the wonderful world of abstract mime.

Welcome to the 3rd annual mime convention

A mime uses invisible box cleaner to clean his invisible box.

"I think that I shall never see a tree on which I wouldn't pee."

John Cooper Clarke

"The Fifth Amendment may just have well have been written with my client in mind."

"You have very low expectations."

"How come there's no feel-good performance art?"

Angelina reveals that she is a well-known conceptual artist. . .