Performance Artists Gifts

Normally, Maureen's Timing was Excellent

'The good teen-age mime chooses to study for an exam, while the bad one chooses to steal hubcaps.'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

They hated me.

Showbiz Awards

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." - Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics.

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

Cimafunk

A fairy with wand and crown in pink tutu

Guitarist

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"When is my next parole hearing?"

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"I had a fear of speaking in front of people, which is why I shadow puppet and sing the lessons."

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"Extreme miming"

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"We're following Carrot Top."

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

A Guide to Balloon Animals

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

Anthropologists discover the earliest known depiction of Jazz Hands.

Comedy Cafe

George Michael

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

Stand-up Romcom