Artificial Grass Aficionado T-Shirts

'Did you know that our lawn is astroturf? I think our parents must be total psychos.'

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

I fart more than that!

A sign on the front lawn of a house reads "Keep off the chemicals".

"No, dude. Smoke the grass first. Then eat the candy."

"The gods seem angrier than usual today."

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

THe UDDER Side

"Basically, I'm looking for a beer can holder with a mower built around it."

Beware of the Lawn

'I can't get my husband to water the lawn.'

"Something's trying to get through the Astroturf!"

'I'm making one of the craters into a birdbath.'

'This veldt makes me worry about the condition of our yard back home.'

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

'Despite her numerous advanced degrees, Dr.Bessie couldn't keep her mouth from watering.'

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

Shoot, I forgot about that underground sprinkler.

My parents had a mutual love of grass.

Mower Repair

'This is Ed down the street. Your dog is doing his business on my lawn again.'

Rich Man with Lawn Mower followed by Maid with Hoover.

Mohawk Yard.

I've got a note from my mum...I can't be eaten today!

"I never thought I'd hear myself saying this but I'm really not that hungry."

'Those artificial flowers look so lifelike it's unusual.'

"Larry's taking a victory lap around the crab grass before putting the mower away for the winter."

"Aren't those dead flowers fake?"

'The grass is plastic, too.'

'Still haven't given up on your lawn, eh, Pertzborn?'

'To peeeEEE, or not to pee... That is the question.'

"No plans set in stone yet, but I'll probably spend some time getting on my wife's last nerve, maybe hyperfocus on the lawn."

"Do you have anything less - green?"