Artificial Grass Aficionado Pillows

'Did you know that our lawn is astroturf? I think our parents must be total psychos.'

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

I fart more than that!

"No, dude. Smoke the grass first. Then eat the candy."

A sign on the front lawn of a house reads "Keep off the chemicals".

"The gods seem angrier than usual today."

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

Beware of the Lawn

"Basically, I'm looking for a beer can holder with a mower built around it."

'I can't get my husband to water the lawn.'

'This veldt makes me worry about the condition of our yard back home.'

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

'I'm making one of the craters into a birdbath.'

"Something's trying to get through the Astroturf!"

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

'Despite her numerous advanced degrees, Dr.Bessie couldn't keep her mouth from watering.'

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

My parents had a mutual love of grass.

Mower Repair

Rich Man with Lawn Mower followed by Maid with Hoover.

'The grass is plastic, too.'

"Larry's taking a victory lap around the crab grass before putting the mower away for the winter."

"I never thought I'd hear myself saying this but I'm really not that hungry."

"Aren't those dead flowers fake?"

I've got a note from my mum...I can't be eaten today!

Mohawk Yard.

'Those artificial flowers look so lifelike it's unusual.'

'Still haven't given up on your lawn, eh, Pertzborn?'

'To peeeEEE, or not to pee... That is the question.'

"No plans set in stone yet, but I'll probably spend some time getting on my wife's last nerve, maybe hyperfocus on the lawn."

That lawn maintenance gizmo is advertised to have 101 uses. Leave it to Fred to find 102.

"Do you have anything less - green?"