Artifact Enthusiast Gifts

"Now we're leaving the hall of stuff we stole from other cultures and entering the hall of stuff we paid too much for."

Reluctantly, Indiana Jones reaches for the true cup of Christ.

A Real Find

An Amazing Discovery.

Barcode on Ancient Greek Vase

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'...then Johannes Gutenberg built the first bookcase'

An ancient Egyptian exhibit at a museum.

A child at a museum starts to pull the wrappings off a mummy.

Antiques

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

Museum. Hours. You're donating your collection of pre-Columbian art? Yes! What's Mayan is yours!

Piles of trash discarded by ancient people are a rich source of artifacts for archaeologists. I unearthed garbage dumps that advanced our understanding of prehistoric societies. On the island of Crete I found ancient trash that increased our knowledge about the Minoan people. And I recently uncovered informative Celtic rubbish. Please stop saying studying ancient cultures by what they threw away is "junk science"!

Posh Easter Egg

"Good heavens, Caruthers. It's the wife!"

Auctioneer: 'Sold to the lady whose husband just walked out!'

This will really mess with their minds someday.

Dog finds a nice bone at the museum.

"You're right! It is a mezuzah!"

"Don't you sometimes worry that if they do give us our stuff back we'll lose some of the sense of grievance that's so crucial to our cultural identity?"

'...And it comes with valuable coupons toward your next purchase.'

Haunted museum

Books of Tablets

'Great to see the Mayan pottery collection is still drawing a crowd.'

"I'm still looking, sir?"

Authentic Rinkelmier chair (Built 1723)

"Aha! - Proof that this is definitely an iron-age site..."

"Of course, it might help if we actually found something every once in a while!"

The Old Curiosity Shop

My own museum.

First aid and sculpture

Carbon Dating Agency

"I've up cycled your Chippendale!"

"Norman, let's lend out the Olmec head."