Artifact Appreciator Gifts

"Don't you sometimes worry that if they do give us our stuff back we'll lose some of the sense of grievance that's so crucial to our cultural identity?"

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

Long before the GPS, traveling humans found their way around by using an Atlas.

Fertility goddess. Nanny goddess.

Misunderstood artist

An ancient Egyptian exhibit at a museum.

A child at a museum starts to pull the wrappings off a mummy.

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"No - you’re right. It’s dumb."

"Just when you're about to lose faith in humanity, you see Shakespeare in the Park."

"Now this I get."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

Museum. Hours. You're donating your collection of pre-Columbian art? Yes! What's Mayan is yours!

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

Would you make up your mind? I can't keep letting you in and out all day.

Piles of trash discarded by ancient people are a rich source of artifacts for archaeologists. I unearthed garbage dumps that advanced our understanding of prehistoric societies. On the island of Crete I found ancient trash that increased our knowledge about the Minoan people. And I recently uncovered informative Celtic rubbish. Please stop saying studying ancient cultures by what they threw away is "junk science"!

Juggler and Illusionist

Scarpia's Palace

'It doesn't do anything, it's just a very pleasing shape!'

Before Dogs Knew How To Play Poker,

Leaves falling out of a painting.

"Good heavens, Caruthers. It's the wife!"

"Good, clean art from the Molly Murphy Collection"

Two monks play tic-tac-toe with calligraphy-style 'x's and 'o's.

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

Posh Easter Egg

Artist on the Beach

'Can't you forget you were an art teacher?'

Reluctantly, Indiana Jones reaches for the true cup of Christ.

Ariana Grande caricature

Coot on a jetty

'Isn't this cast great? Dr. Emily's minor was sculpture in college!'

The Famed Florsheim Illusion.

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"