Artifact Aficionado Gifts

'It's real. Here is a letter of authenticity.'

'All these heads are kind of gross aren't they? What if we collected pottery or something?'

"Of course, it might help if we actually found something every once in a while!"

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

'It's Mexico, dear. They need some of their stuff back.'

"If my translation is right it says "A souvenir from Machu Picchu"."

An ancient Egyptian exhibit at a museum.

"Don't go to the archaeologist's house. He'll give you rocks for trick or treat."

Antique Scrimshaw: We floss daily.

'Not THE Rosetta Stone?'

Archaeologists discover that Easter Island heads are giant chess pieces.

"Norman, let's lend out the Olmec head."

'Great to see the Mayan pottery collection is still drawing a crowd.'

"Good heavens, Caruthers. It's the wife!"

My own museum.

Snuggie of Turin

Wow, a thousand-year-old artifact! What a discovery! 2019. Wow, a patch of land not buried in thousand-year-old useless artifacts! What a discovery! 3019.

The Development of the Tchotchke

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

Second hand furniture.

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"Lovely dovetail."

Dynasties - Ping, Ching, Ming.

A child at a museum starts to pull the wrappings off a mummy.

Piles of trash discarded by ancient people are a rich source of artifacts for archaeologists. I unearthed garbage dumps that advanced our understanding of prehistoric societies. On the island of Crete I found ancient trash that increased our knowledge about the Minoan people. And I recently uncovered informative Celtic rubbish. Please stop saying studying ancient cultures by what they threw away is "junk science"!

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

"I don't care if it's more bouncy - it threatens the integrity of the game."

Museum. Hours. You're donating your collection of pre-Columbian art? Yes! What's Mayan is yours!

'This book is so rare it's never been published.'

Posh Easter Egg

'Stove Top Stuffing! My favourite!'

'Have you any idea just how little this is worth?'

Reluctantly, Indiana Jones reaches for the true cup of Christ.

Egyptian Mummy/Egyptian Mummy and Toddler.

Dog finds a nice bone at the museum.