Artifact Aficionado Pillows

'It's real. Here is a letter of authenticity.'

'All these heads are kind of gross aren't they? What if we collected pottery or something?'

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

'It's Mexico, dear. They need some of their stuff back.'

"If my translation is right it says "A souvenir from Machu Picchu"."

An ancient Egyptian exhibit at a museum.

"Don't go to the archaeologist's house. He'll give you rocks for trick or treat."

Antique Scrimshaw: We floss daily.

'Not THE Rosetta Stone?'

Archaeologists discover that Easter Island heads are giant chess pieces.

"Norman, let's lend out the Olmec head."

'Great to see the Mayan pottery collection is still drawing a crowd.'

"Good heavens, Caruthers. It's the wife!"

My own museum.

Snuggie of Turin

The Development of the Tchotchke

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

Second hand furniture.

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Dynasties - Ping, Ching, Ming.

"Lovely dovetail."

A child at a museum starts to pull the wrappings off a mummy.

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

"I don't care if it's more bouncy - it threatens the integrity of the game."

'This book is so rare it's never been published.'

Posh Easter Egg

'Have you any idea just how little this is worth?'

Reluctantly, Indiana Jones reaches for the true cup of Christ.

Egyptian Mummy/Egyptian Mummy and Toddler.

Dog finds a nice bone at the museum.

"You're right! It is a mezuzah!"

"Now we're leaving the hall of stuff we stole from other cultures and entering the hall of stuff we paid too much for."

"Don't you sometimes worry that if they do give us our stuff back we'll lose some of the sense of grievance that's so crucial to our cultural identity?"

A new meaning in the Roman

Tilden Formally Withdraws from Democratic Candidacy Race