Artifact Collector T-Shirts

The Dead Sea Squirrels.

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Southwark Fair.

"You're on a what?!"

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

Use your imagination.

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Stuff: You Don't Really Need But Still Don't Have.

Dynasties - Ping, Ching, Ming.

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"He's an abstract artist."

Art Gallery.

The First Printed Bible

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

Estate Sale! All the stuff my kids said they don't want to inherit.

Stone Age women were less happy than men at the arrival of the iron age: Look what I've invented just for you darling.

Dinner at the Jolly Sandboys (opening to Ch 19)

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'

"I read 'Art News.'"

"Thrilling news, sweetie! The National Gallery's entire collection of Velázquez is now attributed to you."

'I don't think I've ever heard of the Geezer Scouts or Geezer Scout cookies.'

"Good heavens, Caruthers. It's the wife!"

"He begged his wife and kids to join him in Tahiti, but he didn't mean a word of it, the bastard."

"Definitive." "Compelling." "Persuasive." "Upside down."

"What's most exciting about NFTs is the opportunity for dynamic new content."

"Good, clean art from the Molly Murphy Collection"

Ye Old Cafe: No Coffee Today - Sore Arm!

'...The good news is the Guggenheim has offered $2,500,000 for our chart.'

At last, Clarence thought, the long-awaited return to the old economy had begun.