Artful Dodger Gifts

Man trying to catch a saxophonist with butterfly wings.

"It's escapism-as-art."

"AI could make the art, but tax evasion is a lot more fun when someone else is involved."

Tell me the truth. Do you think my signature is logo-esque?

Leaking Art

Cowboy posting notices saying WANTED...FOR FLYPOSTING

National Endowment for the Artless.

'I started out as a sculptor, but I kept hitting my thumb.'

'For sheer elegance you can't beat the black hole entropy formula.'

"Baldo, I appreciate your hard work...and your eagerness to complete your chores quickly. But next time...don't blow the leaves while I'm painting."

Private Viewing

"You say you have a medical malpractice case?"

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

"Do you ever have days when you can't seem to rise above petty politics?"

'Too proud to wear glasses, Bob gets what's coming to him.'

Also I don't like coffee, so I'll be working through my coffee breaks.

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

Sleeping through new year celebrations

A diamond robbery goes wrong when the hook catches the sleeping museum guard's hat

'Dad, I decided not to get a tattoo in the end. Like you, I got a piercing, instead.'

'We see a lot of carpal tunnel syndrome caused by repetitious pushing of the tv mute button during the political ad season.'

"Get ready to duck...we're caught in a departmental crossfire."

Man ignores DIY book and instead reads book entitled: 'Get someone else to do it'.

"Uh, it's the funniest thing honey... None of my power tools seem to work! I guess those projects will have to wait..."

'His last words were 'Go Dodgers!''

"We're not celebrities, and we don't want to get out of here..."

As the summer drew to a close, Mrs. Bank's back-to-school nightmares progressed from a class of her worst students, to a class of their parents.

'I can see why you have a stomach ache. The homework you ate was an F paper.'

'The poor lamb's having a rest, Mum, exhausted after putting a new toilet roll on the holder...'

"So I'm thinking...why bother with all the junk mail?"

'I find it's best to just stay out of office politics.'

"I like to keep up with all the latest things I don't care about."

'Great news! Your father's got a job.'

"Bad news...you don't have a deadly disease. You've got to go back to work."

'What's up? Don't tell me they've taken off the football for Corrie?'