Art Snob Gifts

"So this is fun---the artist is actually with us tonight."

"I live in the Brooklyn arrondissement."

"The subaqueous qualities of the biomorphic forms spacially undermine the larger metaphorical resonance of the mark-making."

Wussapalooka

"I swear if he calls us 'merely functional' one more time..."

Man cutting his son out of his will and sending his valuable paintings to the blind asylum

"Working with high net worth clients can bring its own challenges."

"You've hung this picture upside down!!"

"It's one of my early works from before I could afford paint."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"Now I really hate poetry."

Saint George and the Drag Queen

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

"I only like their bad albums – the good ones are too commercial."

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"I make it myself!"

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

"I believe it took a team of twenty five, working six months at a cost of �250, 000 to come up with that."

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

Marriage a la Mode - Death of the Earl.

"I've considered portraiture, but everyone is so ugly."

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

Cocktail glasses swimming in the sea.

"Hamlet. By William Shakespeare." Painting.

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

Truman Capote

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

"See that? He's the kind of peasant I detest."

Listen, just because he's moving from fiction to literature doesn't mean he's better than us.

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

Wine tasting

Natürlich verstehst du es nicht. Er ist ein Künstler für Künstler.

'I'm very proud of my El Gecko.'

Pyramids exploding.