Art Gallery Attendants Gifts

"No, it's not by Jackson Pollock, it's actually a Rembrandt. This gallery just has really inattentive security attendants.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

Rodin's Cattle-Grid

'Miss Donahue would give him an F.'

Baby vandalizes an art gallery.

I painted them all from memory.

Jackson Pollock Signs A Rent Check

Anyone would think it's Frieze week...

Art of Surviving

"I don't know art, but I know what I like!"

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

In the art gallery

'A bad Picasso is still better than a good wall!'

Friends of the Royal Academy - Annual Dinner

"How did this comma get in with all the pieces?"

"I could do that."

"Here the artist opted for a more impressionistic approach, because drawing a tree is hard."

'Of course we can afford it, Reginald. Just get yourself fired as CEO!'

'Abstract art is supposed to look that way.' (A rather smarthy attitude in an art gallery)

Understanding art.

"While, yes, I could produce those strokes, I lack the context to position an image in the ongoing conversation of contemporary art as enclosed by capitalist forces."

"You've once said about your work, 'Meow, meow-meow, meeeow.' What did you mean by that?"

'It's a selfie.'

Kid see shadow from mom as mom see shadow in painting.

How Art Works.

"The Salvador Dali Museum does offer flex time to employees."

"It's my latest work...I only vomited it this morning."

"This was his real breakthrough piece."

'God, it's a relief to get away from that exhibition of a bit.'

Let's see...number 61...the painting's name is 'Calamity'.

'Amazing isn't it? The eyes seem to follow you around the room.'

'I'm not cut out for this job' (Matisse sketch to cut out paper model)