Gallery Staff Gifts

"I hope no one's noticed, but I am totally phoning it in today."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Paul Klee

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

Multi-tasking.

'These are job perks.'

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

Painting taking root...

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Well, you know these child prodigies - they can be very demanding about how their work is displayed.

'Projectile painting.'

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

It's a call from Tate modern.

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Misunderstood artist

'Some days I just feel so stuck in a rut that I wish I'd never been invented!'

Couple Sitting in Front of A Sunset.

'No, Timmy, we are not supposed to connect them.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

"It said this 'Spilt Coffee' series afforded her a lifetime of lattes."

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

Busy office.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"Now this I get."