Gallery Staff Gifts

"I hope no one's noticed, but I am totally phoning it in today."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Paul Klee

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

Multi-tasking.

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'It's a Joan Biro.'

'These are job perks.'

Misunderstood artist

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

Well, you know these child prodigies - they can be very demanding about how their work is displayed.

'Projectile painting.'

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Painting taking root...

It's a call from Tate modern.

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

'Some days I just feel so stuck in a rut that I wish I'd never been invented!'

Couple Sitting in Front of A Sunset.

'No, Timmy, we are not supposed to connect them.'

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

"It said this 'Spilt Coffee' series afforded her a lifetime of lattes."

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

Busy office.

"Now this I get."

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'