Armchair Martial Artist Gifts

"I see from your resume you have a black belt in accountancy."

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

Overjumpers

"It started with a mutual interest in martial arts and developed into an interest in marital arts."

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'How do you like my fantasy weekend so far?'

'Remember me?'

"Full disclosure—I really need this hug."

Putting Practice.

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

"All of a dither as per usual!"

A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.

'You may now kick the bride.'

Mod Kwan Doh

'John is watching the game under protest.'

'I think they're up to something.'

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

"Goal!"

'Not only do I have a black belt in karate, I also have a husband in the hospital to prove it!'

Old Karate Master

"Now there's a weapon of mass destruction."

"My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick-boxing!"

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

Repulse Monkey. Difficult position, but one day it may save your life. Get it right!

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

"This is his fifteenth successive Olympics."

'Well, he's always been a hero to me.'

"Thursday-Morning Quarterback"

"There's more to life than beer and football...I just can remember what it is."