Arachnid Apprentice Gifts

Spider Preschool.

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

What did I tell you about covering your bottom when you sneeze?

Yeah, it's funny, but you'll see, in this house, it's the guy who screams the loudest...

A spider is afraid of another spider's mask.

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

'Let's see. One dozen red wigglers, two dozen nightcrawlers,three dozen crickets. Want flies with that?'

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

'When you invented vegetables, Sir, did you know that my mother would be able to fit them all into one garden?'

'I've been told I have Rembrandt's golden glow.'

Brown Non-Recluse Spider

Want the wings as an appetizer?

Unwelcome guests can be caught and thrown out...there is no need to kill them.

"Of all my husbands I believe the first one tasted the best."

"It's alright for you, female worms are everywhere, but when was the last time you saw a Mummy-Long-Legs?"

Spider Press-Ups

"Now, cover your second, fourth and seventh eyes and read the next line."

Blatant competition in nature.

I was coughing, Frank - I didn't need the Heimlich.

'Reallly Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!'

"What do I remember about my mother? Well, for starters, she was delicious."

"Arachnophunnies"

Black Widow Diet

'I want to know where this relationship is going.'

'What luck!'

"I do appreciate that it eats other bugs, but it also ate my husband."

'Visit my website.'

'I'm sorry, but we are after a different kind of Web expert...'

'I'm sorry, but we are after a different kind of Web expert...'

Dizzy Spider

Spider Parents.

I told you not to text and spin, Simone.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Oh, it's only you."

Arachnid Research Lab. I don't need to actually be here all the time, I use a web cam!