Appliance Store Employee Gifts

"And it comes with a coin filter for when you vacuum under the cushions."

Sale! Weed Whackers

Lioness Shops for Snacks.

Axle greaseMarine greaseElbow grease .

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

The world's most unemployable family

"Hey, Al! What do you know about shelf life?"

'Where do you keep the elbow grease?'

Don't have a hot flush....

Take pity on me. I can't give much this year. What is this heresy, son? I didn't get a raise this year, got furloughed this summer, am behind on my cable bill, can't afford proper dates. But it's the holidays. Think of the needy. Pierre in flat-panels has a new baby. Sandy, the mobile device manager, toils so hard for your business. And don't forget Apple. It's got to make its quarter. Computer Villa. Customer service. I shouldn't just think of myself. That's better. I'd like to upgrade all my d

New! Paint Bombs: 'Light the wick, and you have paint that's extremely easy to apply!'

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'Where do you keep the elbow-grease?'

'With all these mega mergers between electronics and telecommunications firms, I just got an obscene email from the toaster...'

Daily News Headline Writing Dept. Here's a story about a Colorado appliance salesperson involved in an auto mishap … "Denver blender vendor in fender bender!"

"Here’s your problem. This isn’t a ‘Franklin’ stove, it’s a ‘Voltaire.’"

Men's Prayer Group.

"This is Piggly Wiggly, what'd you expect?"

'We're starting to build our own house. How much is this two by four?'

"Orange juice, 1/2 lb. bacon, dozen eggs, bread, coffee..."

"My kitchen is very small. Do you have any with doors that swing in?"

Woman stuck in frozen aisle.

'Do you sell eggs? . . . I forgot to say that I have middle class guilt. . .'

'Look, we have 7 and we have 5 . . . I make that 75 �' the number of your house!'

'Super size me!!'

"That's closer to the shade of taupe I want, but it's still not quite right!"

"Can you weaken the spring or something? -- It keeps knocking my coffee over."

"How much of this stuff can I eat before it can no longer be returned?"

'Of course, the self-cleaning models tend to cost a little more.'

'What if your saliva's not organic?'

Do they have to grow frozen vegetables in the winter?

'So you just dry stuff? That's cool, I guess. I mean, it's not like there's some mystical force that could do that for you, like, I don't know... evaporation.'

Do It Yourself Stores: Help Wanted