Appliance Store Employee Gifts

"And it comes with a coin filter for when you vacuum under the cushions."

Sale! Weed Whackers

Lioness Shops for Snacks.

Axle greaseMarine greaseElbow grease .

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

The world's most unemployable family

"Hey, Al! What do you know about shelf life?"

'Where do you keep the elbow grease?'

New! Paint Bombs: 'Light the wick, and you have paint that's extremely easy to apply!'

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'Where do you keep the elbow-grease?'

'With all these mega mergers between electronics and telecommunications firms, I just got an obscene email from the toaster...'

"This is Piggly Wiggly, what'd you expect?"

Men's Prayer Group.

"Here’s your problem. This isn’t a ‘Franklin’ stove, it’s a ‘Voltaire.’"

'We're starting to build our own house. How much is this two by four?'

"Orange juice, 1/2 lb. bacon, dozen eggs, bread, coffee..."

"My kitchen is very small. Do you have any with doors that swing in?"

Woman stuck in frozen aisle.

'Do you sell eggs? . . . I forgot to say that I have middle class guilt. . .'

"Can you weaken the spring or something? -- It keeps knocking my coffee over."

"How much of this stuff can I eat before it can no longer be returned?"

'So you just dry stuff? That's cool, I guess. I mean, it's not like there's some mystical force that could do that for you, like, I don't know... evaporation.'

'Super size me!!'

"That's closer to the shade of taupe I want, but it's still not quite right!"

Do they have to grow frozen vegetables in the winter?

'Look, we have 7 and we have 5 . . . I make that 75 �' the number of your house!'

'Of course, the self-cleaning models tend to cost a little more.'

'What if your saliva's not organic?'

Do It Yourself Stores: Help Wanted

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."