Hardware Store Employee Gifts

Do It Yourself Stores: Help Wanted

Many hardware stores now provide sketch artists to help their customers recall the part they need.

'Where do you keep the elbow-grease?'

Elmer's Hardware: 'I want one of thingamajigs! You know what I mean, a doohickey!'

'It covers well enough, but I found the recommended drying time to be completely inadequate.'

'It covers well enough, but I found the recommended drying time to be completely inadequate.'

'Where do you keep the elbow grease?'

Hardware Shop Sorry, we've sold out of sandpaper but this does a very similar job

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

Door 2 Door salesman.

Sale! Weed Whackers

"Oh, that's a whatchamacallit. Aisle four, right next to the thingamajigs!"

"Oh man! It's the prettiest girl in school! She can't see I work here!"

"Six hundred quid for a storage case."

Pork Lift

"Here y'are sir. Shall I wrap it, or do you wish to eat it now?"

"That's closer to the shade of taupe I want, but it's still not quite right!"

"What a rip-off."

"He attacked me with sandpaper. I'm OK, just 'roughed up' a bit!'

"I miss incandescent. They weren't very energy efficient – but neither am I."

New! Paint Bombs: 'Light the wick, and you have paint that's extremely easy to apply!'

Hardware - "Where do you keep the elbow grease?"

Drones Ahoy

'Look, we have 7 and we have 5 . . . I make that 75 �' the number of your house!'

'Yes, these new bulbs are expensive, but the price includes the services of a Hazmat cleanup team in case you break one.'

'Look, I'm terribly sorry to interrupt you, but...'

'We're starting to build our own house. How much is this two by four?'

Have you got any nails? I'm on a diet.

'I'm being hacked up good by barbed wire, so I need a greener-grass-detector.'

Men's Prayer Group.

"Got any lightbulbs that WON'T BE the last ones I'll ever buy?"

"I have six hours and $100. Can you sell me some self-worth?"

Axle greaseMarine greaseElbow grease .

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

Take pity on me. I can't give much this year. What is this heresy, son? I didn't get a raise this year, got furloughed this summer, am behind on my cable bill, can't afford proper dates. But it's the holidays. Think of the needy. Pierre in flat-panels has a new baby. Sandy, the mobile device manager, toils so hard for your business. And don't forget Apple. It's got to make its quarter. Computer Villa. Customer service. I shouldn't just think of myself. That's better. I'd like to upgrade all my d