Hardware Store Clerk Gifts

"Do you have anything to help get rid of these?"

'Do you have industrial strength instant glue?'

The neames of hardware items are often hard to remember...'I'm looking for a box of metallic pins about 1 inch long and with a pointed tip with a sort of circular surface?' 'Nails! Aisle 2B'

"Just light the wick and you have a paint that's 'xtremely easy to apply!"

"I can sell you the caulk, but there's a waiting period for the gun."

'Do you have any duck tape?'

"Do you want the extended warranty?"

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

Sale! Weed Whackers

'Sorry sir,but we can't just take your word that the boots leak'

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

Axle greaseMarine greaseElbow grease .

"Where can I find the lefts?"

"So...do you have a job now?"

"The suit - it's rejecting your body."

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'No, I'm afraid we don't have calendars in dog-years.'

'Where do you keep the elbow grease?'

Science Books. Do you have any books about Lepidoptera? Yes, and would you like to join "The Book of the Moth Club"?

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

'This snuff video you sold me just shows people taking snuff.'

Take pity on me. I can't give much this year. What is this heresy, son? I didn't get a raise this year, got furloughed this summer, am behind on my cable bill, can't afford proper dates. But it's the holidays. Think of the needy. Pierre in flat-panels has a new baby. Sandy, the mobile device manager, toils so hard for your business. And don't forget Apple. It's got to make its quarter. Computer Villa. Customer service. I shouldn't just think of myself. That's better. I'd like to upgrade all my d

"Your receipt is also available in a choice of colors."

Hardware. You're right, maybe we should sell hammers by the "pound."

Witch Hardware

New! Paint Bombs: 'Light the wick, and you have paint that's extremely easy to apply!'

'Where do you keep the elbow-grease?'

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

'We're starting to build our own house. How much is this two by four?'

Clown applying mustard to balloon hotdog.

'I want to return this wallet. I can't seem to keep any money in it.'

Men's Prayer Group.

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."