Hardware Store Manager Gifts

Hardware. No, I haven't always wanted to do this ... I said I'm taking inventory and these are on my bucket list.

Bob's DIY Store

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

Sale! Weed Whackers

Axle greaseMarine greaseElbow grease .

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

'Bread, milk, cereal, sugar, sausage, potatoes, beans, biscuits. Click! So easy, but I do miss the sexy till lady.'

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

"You can't find the menswear department? Oh, I'm sorry, Sir- I was standing in front of it."

"It's difficult to attract a younger customer when our main demographic is babies."

"That should read $20.00. I'd make the correction, but I don't want to be accused of price-fixing."

"I think he said he wants to buy 'just the one'. You'd better fetch the manager"

SupermarketAwful Market.

'Where do you keep the elbow grease?'

'They're both nice - which can you ill afford least?'

Beatlemania: Open 24/8

Witch Hardware

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

Hardware. You're right, maybe we should sell hammers by the "pound."

Self-Checkout.

Take pity on me. I can't give much this year. What is this heresy, son? I didn't get a raise this year, got furloughed this summer, am behind on my cable bill, can't afford proper dates. But it's the holidays. Think of the needy. Pierre in flat-panels has a new baby. Sandy, the mobile device manager, toils so hard for your business. And don't forget Apple. It's got to make its quarter. Computer Villa. Customer service. I shouldn't just think of myself. That's better. I'd like to upgrade all my d

'I've drawn up a health and safety policy for the company.'

Sports Memorabilia: Help wanted-losers need not apply.

Office Supplies: New and improved motivational posters, now with 25% more inspiration.

'Gents toilet? Ah, got me there...'

New! Paint Bombs: 'Light the wick, and you have paint that's extremely easy to apply!'

'Where do you keep the elbow-grease?'

"Will you only promise the children toys that can be brought at this store?"

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

The Pied Piper in a computer shop.