Electronics Store Manager Gifts

'Television sales are down for the first time in a decade.'

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

Olivia just hacked into the boy scouts' site and sold them 30,000 boxes of cookies.

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

Sale! Weed Whackers

'Now I know why they threw in the printer for free. It's only got a resolution of one dot per 8 12 inches.'

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

Electronics: Nooks/Crannies

Early on-line shopping

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

'Bread, milk, cereal, sugar, sausage, potatoes, beans, biscuits. Click! So easy, but I do miss the sexy till lady.'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

"You can't find the menswear department? Oh, I'm sorry, Sir- I was standing in front of it."

"It's difficult to attract a younger customer when our main demographic is babies."

"I think he said he wants to buy 'just the one'. You'd better fetch the manager"

"That should read $20.00. I'd make the correction, but I don't want to be accused of price-fixing."

SupermarketAwful Market.

'Where do you keep the elbow grease?'

'They're both nice - which can you ill afford least?'

Self-Checkout.

and this little light starts blinking when your computer becomes obsolete

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

'Gents toilet? Ah, got me there...'

Take pity on me. I can't give much this year. What is this heresy, son? I didn't get a raise this year, got furloughed this summer, am behind on my cable bill, can't afford proper dates. But it's the holidays. Think of the needy. Pierre in flat-panels has a new baby. Sandy, the mobile device manager, toils so hard for your business. And don't forget Apple. It's got to make its quarter. Computer Villa. Customer service. I shouldn't just think of myself. That's better. I'd like to upgrade all my d

New! Paint Bombs: 'Light the wick, and you have paint that's extremely easy to apply!'

Office Supplies: New and improved motivational posters, now with 25% more inspiration.

'I've drawn up a health and safety policy for the company.'

'Better buy one now - before they make them too big to fit into your house.'

Sports Memorabilia: Help wanted-losers need not apply.

Hardware. You're right, maybe we should sell hammers by the "pound."

Witch Hardware