Hardware Store Clerk Pillows

"Do you have anything to help get rid of these?"

'Do you have industrial strength instant glue?'

The neames of hardware items are often hard to remember...'I'm looking for a box of metallic pins about 1 inch long and with a pointed tip with a sort of circular surface?' 'Nails! Aisle 2B'

"Just light the wick and you have a paint that's 'xtremely easy to apply!"

"I can sell you the caulk, but there's a waiting period for the gun."

'Do you have any duck tape?'

"Do you want the extended warranty?"

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

Sale! Weed Whackers

'Sorry sir,but we can't just take your word that the boots leak'

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

Axle greaseMarine greaseElbow grease .

"Where can I find the lefts?"

"So...do you have a job now?"

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'No, I'm afraid we don't have calendars in dog-years.'

'Where do you keep the elbow grease?'

New! Paint Bombs: 'Light the wick, and you have paint that's extremely easy to apply!'

Witch Hardware

"Your receipt is also available in a choice of colors."

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

'Where do you keep the elbow-grease?'

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

'I want to return this wallet. I can't seem to keep any money in it.'

Men's Prayer Group.

How much would you take off for cash?

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

Clown applying mustard to balloon hotdog.

"Do you carry any shampoos that have been tested on little kittens?"

'We're starting to build our own house. How much is this two by four?'

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

"Everybody's a comedian. When I asked the clerk if he had this size bolt, he laughed and asked, 'What are you - some kind of nut?'"

"That's closer to the shade of taupe I want, but it's still not quite right!"