Appliance Care Gifts

'Did you notice I've oiled your food mixer?'

Washing machine maintenance

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

"And it comes with a coin filter for when you vacuum under the cushions."

The world's most unemployable family

Daily News Headline Writing Dept. Here's a story about a Colorado appliance salesperson involved in an auto mishap … "Denver blender vendor in fender bender!"

"Here’s your problem. This isn’t a ‘Franklin’ stove, it’s a ‘Voltaire.’"

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

Moe's Fix-It Shop - No Heroic Measures

"My kitchen is very small. Do you have any with doors that swing in?"

'I was walking past the washers and dryers and one of my socks disappeared.'

'Of course, the self-cleaning models tend to cost a little more.'

When it came to appliance repairs...Joe wasn't one to mince his words!

"Can you weaken the spring or something? -- It keeps knocking my coffee over."

'So you just dry stuff? That's cool, I guess. I mean, it's not like there's some mystical force that could do that for you, like, I don't know... evaporation.'

'Wow, that really was concentrated dish soap.'

'It's just some 'Stir 'n' Blend', 'Bake 'n' Slice', 'Mix 'n' Broil', Chop 'n' Simmer and 'Pour 'n' Serve.'

"Look at it this way -- in three years your roof could leak."

Your appliance maintenance agreement just expired. I'm here for your appliance...'

I'd like to help, ma'am, but your dishwasher came with a "do not resuscitate" order.

Big Quiz. -900. +4800. +7230. Ernie, can you believe he calls himself a "smart appliance"?

'You say your picture's funny?...I'm surprised you got a picture at all. That's a microwave oven!'

'Maybe I shouldn't put 'instant cooling' on maximum.'

The ice maker is leaking. Nothing can be done about that now. It's water under the fridge. F and E Plumbing.

'Got any changing rooms to try this one on?'

'This one is more expensive, but it comes with factory installed door art and notes.'

Appliance Theatre

Dellson's refrigerator door seal repairs.

'Why can't you guys be more like the hot water heater, who may pay for itself in two years.'

'Hand over all your money or the toaster gets it!'

A toaster plays fetch