Appliance Skeptic Gifts

Mother Nature goes appliance shopping.

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

I.T. Fear

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

"And may I now introduce Professor Muckenspucker, who is an authority on artificial stupidity."

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

"Al, you've been chosen Businessman of the Year by the Junior Chamber of Commerce."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"Do you want to suddenly decide we need a waffle maker?"

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Computer Class.

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

Privacy

We need to see him because there's no satellite-based system to guide us on a trip down the path to enlightenment.

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

'And a special feature on this model is the diet ice cubes.'

Censorship? We Don't Do That Here.

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

How Grandma Sees the Remote

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

"Wow! The big guy! And what kind of B.T.U.s am I looking at here?"

Big Brother.

Entertainment systems

"Tarzan no want computer."

Linda discovers she had just baked the wrong ziti