Appliance Improviser Gifts

Helicopter as a clothes drier

Bad Timbre: the world's first Garage Philharmonic Orchestra

Jazz is Invented

The Hammer

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

'What a day! - the computer broke down, and I had to cook manually!'

'I made a Valentine's Day card for you. The school has no art supplies so I wrote the color in.'

"We'll have to eat out tonight - I misplaced the can opener."

"If you liked tonight's meal, you might enjoy 'Making The Meal,' a documentary with outtakes and commentary when the cook ran out of eggs because someone put an empty carton back in the refrigerator..."

The Augie Twins write music strictly for their own amusement.

"I've fixed the shelf, darling."

'Well, you always said you wanted a water feature for the garden.'

'We have an emergency, ladies and gentlemen! We need help - can anybody in the audience play the tambourine.'

'We've run out of one-man plays - why not make it up with the rest of the drama group?'

Okay, let me guess...we're eating baked ham and meat loaf on a bed of fish sticks because you combined all the leftovers...

"It's just until the air conditioning in our house is fixed."

Washing Line - "I thought you wanted a clothes dryer."

"And I'm telling YOU it looks exactly like the picture. See?"

'Thaw for 24 hours. They should have told me that yesterday.'

"I hope you like smoked salmon."

'We added on to the couch.'

Harpist using her bed frame as a harp.

I work all day landscaping. I'm too tired to do all the yard work at home. Teddy, you're big enough to use my power tools. I know exactly who to call for help. Tap tap tap. Not the power tool I was referring to.

"She'll only eat it if I cut it up in cloverleaf shapes, serve it on a blue plate, and do a little dance as I serve it."

'So, what part of the house are we delivering shock and awe to this weekend?'

'Sometimes if things blow onto the canvas I just leave em there.'

Piano desk.

'It spoils the decor, but it sure saves money on TV sets.'

"I said no to a man cave but I compromised on a dugout."

'This way, we'll never lose track of the remote.'

'So one day I said to myself, 'What am I doing living in this run down house when I could be living on my boat?'

Inflate a job!

"We could hire another accountant and secretary, but wouldn't it be fun to have a barista?"

'The problem isn't your high definition television, it's your low definition eyes.'