Appearance Guardian T-Shirts

7:30 .M. 8:15 a.m. 9 a.m. 9:45 a.m. A conservative's toughest job is the gussying up. Zzzz.

"I did the best dental health poster in the class. I just hope Mr. Tooth Decay doesn't hold a grudge."

"Say, when did you get so fluff?"

'At midnight, we go over the wall.'

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

"Huddleston, I admire your hands-on approach to everything, but get the hell out of my office!"

'I'm getting some unusually high readings around you.'

The proper way to wear your mask

"No not the puppy please"

A bald eagle approaches middle age

"Is it my imagination, or does our use of correction fluid increase as people's teeth get whiter?"

'Try not to stare. Father Time hot hair plugs and botox.'

'Ok...something, but nothing you'd care about. Honest!'

'Sometimes I wonder how things would have turned out, if I'd gotten Mom's eyes and Dad's hair.'

'Polly wants a machine gun.'

'Which end's the shallow end?'

"Do you have something cheap but with a really expensive label?"

"So all these years you never did yoga but just walked around carrying the mat?"

"Height is the only thing I'm capable of changing about myself."

See, no monster under your bed

"We've been sent a few army vets to help with the culling"

"They had to make that it guy the CEO. He won't reveal the Master Password."

Ew, I look terrible! Take one more!

Do you have hair, um, rinses that look natural? Of course! So that no one notices? Ahem! Oh, right

"The gentleman opposite would like to buy you more time."

"Try nibblin' through that, you little tree rat!"

"I'm not so much interested in 'wellness' as I am 'swellness'."

A pet cage wrapped in chains make the other customers in the waiting room nervous,

'We hope you understand that you're not worth risking on our new carpet, and your feet will smell if you take your shoes off.'

Safety: 'When Can I Work On My Own?'

'Make sure you stay in the shallow end.'

Baldo considers squishing a caterpillar and then changes his mind."

"I've learned the secret to a happy holiday season! When relatives come to visit...make sure they think you love the gifts they gave you last year."

"I understand the house is a mess inside."

"What do you think? I've had an eye lift."