App Lovers Gifts

I'm not giving you a raise to support your iPhone app habit. Hold that thought. Playing a new game where I move the phone around to carve the perfect dessert. It's called App Pie. You're humiliating all of us - by which I mean the whole planet. High pie score!

"It's almost 5 o'clock! Where the hell is my vodka app?!"

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"Pokemon...Pokemon...Pokemon...."

'Oh, and this ringtone is an app that alerts me when a fly ball is headed my way.'

"Since he got that thing, he mostly just kills time."

Ahh! The sounds of nature! Peep peep. Tweet tweet! Twitter. Croak croak. Sniff sniff. Ribbit. Human nature. Twitter twitter. Tippity tap tap. Cackle cackle! Bleep bleep.

"Isn't there an app for this?"

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

'I need a life saving app. I need a life saving app.'

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

"I wrote this one after my third startup failed. It’s called ‘I Got Yer App Right Here.’"

It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother. Why's that? House of Java .Net Cybercafe. Because how a man treats his mother is a good indicator of how he'll treat a girlfriend. That's why I created an app that calls your phone and displays a photo of you hugging your mom whenever a gorgeous lady is within three feet of you. It also displays a nice, sweet lady whenever you're within three feet of your mom.

Happiness is spending late summer afternoon on a buying binge at the iPhone app store.

'My new cellphone has a 'self-help' program...'

All the apps hidden within a phone

"If you're trying to find yourself, Mr. Ludlow, just ping your phone."

"There's an app that helped me finish grades 3 through 7. If you need me, I'll be in my room playing video games for the next few years."

'Normally, this project would require weeks of research and verification...but luckily there's an app for it.'

God's Phone

'We don't have a cure for your ailment but there is an appropriate app available.'

"Now that we have these Earthlings in our power, we can take over this planet!"

'It's my own fault. I never upgraded my skills. I was replaced by a man half my age with a more advanced smartphone and hundreds of productive apps.'

"It's an app that lets me know when I'm bored."

"I've downloaded an app to hire and fire people."

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

"Your driver will arrive in 4...9...17 minutes after three accidental loops around the airport."

"I don't know where to begin, each dish has its own app."

Today's love

"This is NOT what I meant when I said you kids could have more screen time."

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides stimulated hand-holding when the market is down.'

"I put an app on your phone that punches you in the face every time you eat junk food. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind."