App Critics Pillows

'I don't think those apps have made Junior smarter.'

"It's almost 5 o'clock! Where the hell is my vodka app?!"

Valuable business advice from some famous disruptive technologies.

"You know, there are other emojis."

Statue of Liberty with satellite dish and laptop spying on the World.

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

"Isn't there an app for this?"

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

"You'll do everything...accounting, marketing, manufacturing...with no pay or benefits...and three years from now we'll trade you in for a newer, sexier model."

Twitter censorship

It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother. Why's that? House of Java .Net Cybercafe. Because how a man treats his mother is a good indicator of how he'll treat a girlfriend. That's why I created an app that calls your phone and displays a photo of you hugging your mom whenever a gorgeous lady is within three feet of you. It also displays a nice, sweet lady whenever you're within three feet of your mom.

'Play post office? -- I don't like violent games.'

Happiness is spending late summer afternoon on a buying binge at the iPhone app store.

"I wrote this one after my third startup failed. It’s called ‘I Got Yer App Right Here.’"

"AI chat bot"

God's Phone

"Your driver will arrive in 4...9...17 minutes after three accidental loops around the airport."

Oh, the armor is state of the art

It tells you the time? That's all it does? Well, isn't that just the cutest little thing?

Modern Day Kids Playing 'Telephone'

Social media and censorship...

Today's love

Modern Life Blues

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides stimulated hand-holding when the market is down.'

Feel alienated by technology? Tell me more. Press 1 for yes, 2 for no.

"Maybe you need some kind of app to make it work."

I have an idea for a new app: It'll tell you what your dog is thinking. What? How? Through a sensor planted in the dog's collar. Every time it barks, whines or sighs, the sensor will beam an English translation to your phone. It'll either say "feed me," "walk me," "I need to potty," or "leave me alone," or a random combination of those. That sounds like the most useless app ever. It'll also shout "I'm running!" when the dog is running.

Honour Being Served 'Apps at Dawn'.

"The battle of Gettysburg? Uh. . . let me check my civil war app."

I'm Stupid (Damn Autocorrect)

Gym. I don't need to exercise --- I have an ab crunch on my smart phone!

Someday

'What's PPI and how did you get this number?'

'With all these mega mergers between electronics and telecommunications firms, I just got an obscene email from the toaster...'