Apologizing After Infidelity Pillows

"Better get two dozen. She won't be able to hit you as hard with both arms full."

Priest's 'To do' list.

'You got anything that says I put some thought into this gift?'

'What's the best kind of glue to fix a TV screen?'

"Gee, I'm awfully sorry!"

"What flower says you're sorry without admitting wrongdoing?"

Man looking at greeting cards labeled "Apologies for not writing sooner" with sub-headings for different lengths of time.

"Have I been good or have you been bad?"

"I forgive you, Bumpty."

"OK, what have you done?"

Hyacinths

The golfer apologized for all his affairs. The governor regrets all his affairs. So does the former presidential candidate. I don't get the abstinence until marriage idea. Shouldn't it be abstinence AFTER marriage?

"This is to apologise for the delay in internal mail that you wrote to us about in 1997"

"I'm sorry I called you boring."

"Your basic rule of thumb should be,the bigger the guilt, the longer the stem."

"I'd like to get something for my wife. Do you have any olive branches?"

"My dad was too much of a babe magnet for the marriage to have worked."

'Yes, he plans to accept his party's nomination but first I have to accept his apology.'

Very sorry

'Next time you apologize, try to do it with no strings attached. String can be very distracting.'

Man looks for wife help from machine.

"Don't even start, Claire. You knew I was a snake when you took me in."

'Let's pretend we're married so we can have a fight!'

'Would you believe, humble pie?'

'No dear, I do not think it's time we homo sapiens apologised to the Neanderthals.'

'I'm trying to make restitution for shredding the sofa.'

'Right, how can I help you?'

I was in a menage a trois...until she ran off with our marriage guide counsellor!

"You may not like what I've dug out, but you did ask me to snoop into your husband!"

'Now, I'm curious as to why there would be blonde hair in your hairball!'

I need a not to expensive gift that doesn't hurt when thrown to my head.

"… and then Roger discovered fly fishing and I discovered Gregory."

'Bob forgot your birthday. He went fishing instead. So he sent you this Excuse-O-Gram. In hopes he won't end up dead.'

"Your husband is fooling around."

Laurel, hi. I brought you flowers. You did. How sweet. You never bring me flowers. Never. Not once. And chocolates. Shaped like tiny cell phones. What bad thing have you done? Spill it!