Apathetic Artist Gifts

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

"How the hell is that supposed to feed us?"

"Nihilistic customer service"

"What do you mean?! That apology is the best piece of fiction I've ever written!"

Colin could see that his competitor had obviously done his market research.

Child writes letter to Santa reading 'Sorry Santa, I DO want to go to school'.

Art of Surviving

Stu just wanted to participate in the outdoor art class. . . alone. . . but Bob went ahead and invited himself anyway. . .

'...And here's one of the artist's earliest paintings.'

"They need to come up with an app that will locate your glasses."

"I envy you—laughing all day long, and being paid for it, too!"

Who...what...why...when...where...whatever...

A man jumps out of a window to avoid an injection.

Attention: Due to a lack of interest we have dropped the APATHY channel - Sorry for any inconvenience.

'I can never do anything with my hair phobia.'

Two uses for ten minutes in America.

'I'm not sure what you did wrong but it must have been a doozy!'

Uncomfortably open Mike night.

Another Big-Headed Cartoonist

"My art speaks for itself."

"I wonder if there are any biscuit left?"

Idlewild.

Unlucky sculpture.

Election 'Dunvotin'

"Not so much a 'Don't know' more a 'Couldn't Care Less'."

'He's forgotten his key again!'

"He arose at five to catch the early-morning light, caught it, and crawled back in again."

Not to do list - Vote.

Wash Cycles.

"Have you ever tried saying it without flowers?"

'A keyboard is like a beautiful woman... you have to know which buttons to press to get what you want...' - '...and if you accidentally spill hot coffee on it then it doesn't work quite as well.' - 'Jerk.' - 'I said sorry like a hundred times already!'

'Collecting two hundred and six tiny objects in a matchbox was fantastic - sorry I sneezed!'

"Put me down as 'past caring'."

Simon the Hippy

Bakery: Cherry Pie, Apple Pie and Humble Pie.