Antsy Adventurer Gifts

'Well, looks like your life is just like mine: Work, work, work...'

'I really don't think mouth-to-mouth wroks on fish, Ben.'

Unconditional Loveseat

Sawfish cuts through the oars of row boat.

'It's your babysitter, where do you keep your fire extinguisher?'

Neurotics in the tropics

'It's a sad case -- amnesia AND identity theft.'

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

"I had that dream again where you're writing down all my fears and anxieties and working them into a screenplay."

'We're the Meeks and we're here to see about our inheritance of the Earth.'

'Boat Launch'

Professor Urquat makes his final contribution to the world of science.

"Okay... how about some people are poverty rich but asset poor?"

"It's a really cool game! You're Bill Gates, and you have to fight off the evil agents of the Justice Department before they destroy your planet."

'I'm sorry, but I haven't understood a word you've babbled since I turned left on red.'

"What do you mean, 'There can be no ethics without fear of God'?! Look at me - all ethical and shit!"

"What is it going to be, a breakfast or shampoo?"

Agoraphobic Explorer

'So, just how long were you at the School of Hard Knocks?'

Uptight Fishing...'we put the bait on for you'

'You don't get it? My wife and the kids don't get it, too. . . I don't even get it myself. . . That means it must be art!!'

"Is it okay that I said yes to that costume party?"

'I think we floated a little 'too far' down stream.'

"Yeah, I used to have an emotional support animal, but then I upgraded to a conflict avoidance scooter."

A street vendor sells chicken soup during a snowstorm.

"Please cut and paste these prayers to an other gods up there....just in case I've been following the wrong one."

'Come back immediately, idiot.'

"Yeah, I found a pizza shop that delivers."

Plaster of Paris

My Progress Towards Achieving My Goals

"Now, which one of the Thousand Islands is this?"

"Right foot, left foot, inhale, exhale, right foot..."

Nautical Antiques: We Catch Your Drift

"Yeah, I'm microchipped, that's the problem! If I get caught, they'll send me back to the horrible people I'm running away from..."

"Did we switch everything off before we left?"