Anti-social Hero Gifts

"Congrats! It's a health future unequally paid sexual harassment victim!"

Introverted Chair

"I'm kind of a big deal in antisocial media."

"Sorry, I don't really believe in being social offline."

'It just happens that all my heroes are anti-heroes.'

"No, it won't last long, but while it does I aim to fight as much evil as possible."

The Dark Side of the Lone Ranger

"A bunch of friends are coming over to stare at their phones."

"What do you do?""I'm a layer. The law. I do law. I practice law. I'm an attorney. Something legal."

State of the State.

"She also sits up there so she doesn't have to talk to anyone."

"If they survive the working group and the committee, you can count on the interdepartmental panel..."

Come in here if you don't like....

'I hate networking.'

"The floor is any human contact."

'The service station was out of flowers so I got you some Valentine's day engine oil'

"There are easier ways to get time to yourself, Ed."

Learning to read body language, lesson one: 'Leave me alone!'

"I'm terrible at small talk. Just scan me."

'Make yourselves at home. I'm right here, in the panic room.'

The Jew and Morris both begin to understand each other

"Poor Jim. He was a climate change denier and refused to see his iceberg melt."

Stay back 500 feet

It doesn't matter what you drive. There's a volunteering opportunity for everyone.

'I know living on an abandoned nuclear test site has its advantages - no bugs, no snakes, no univited guests but did it ever occur to you that there's nothing else here either?'

"Social networking lets me be social without actually having to be around other people."

Introverts Anonymous

"He's always been unlucky with love."

"I'm not asking you, mister, I'm telling you!"

"I've hated Tom Brady forever, but I'll always be grateful to him for giving us something else to talk about."

How nature says 'stay away'. . . Monday Morning Face.

'I want a welcome mat that says 'Go Away'.'

"Do you have a minute to end racism?"