Anti-social Hero Pillows

Social Networking or Death

"Congrats! It's a health future unequally paid sexual harassment victim!"

Introverted Chair

"I'm kind of a big deal in antisocial media."

"Sorry, I don't really believe in being social offline."

'It just happens that all my heroes are anti-heroes.'

The Dark Side of the Lone Ranger

"No, it won't last long, but while it does I aim to fight as much evil as possible."

"A bunch of friends are coming over to stare at their phones."

"What do you do?""I'm a layer. The law. I do law. I practice law. I'm an attorney. Something legal."

"She also sits up there so she doesn't have to talk to anyone."

Come in here if you don't like....

State of the State.

"If they survive the working group and the committee, you can count on the interdepartmental panel..."

'I hate networking.'

"There are easier ways to get time to yourself, Ed."

"The floor is any human contact."

Learning to read body language, lesson one: 'Leave me alone!'

'The service station was out of flowers so I got you some Valentine's day engine oil'

"I'm terrible at small talk. Just scan me."

'Make yourselves at home. I'm right here, in the panic room.'

The Jew and Morris both begin to understand each other

"The Johnsons tend to keep themselves to themselves..."

Stay back 500 feet

"Poor Jim. He was a climate change denier and refused to see his iceberg melt."

Introverts Anonymous

'I know living on an abandoned nuclear test site has its advantages - no bugs, no snakes, no univited guests but did it ever occur to you that there's nothing else here either?'

It doesn't matter what you drive. There's a volunteering opportunity for everyone.

"Social networking lets me be social without actually having to be around other people."

"He's always been unlucky with love."

"I'm not asking you, mister, I'm telling you!"

"You're dropping by since you're in the neighborhood? Hey, that's great. Unfortunately, we're in our car and, whoa, looks like we're heading into a tunnel. Gotta go. Bye."

"I've hated Tom Brady forever, but I'll always be grateful to him for giving us something else to talk about."

How nature says 'stay away'. . . Monday Morning Face.

'I want a welcome mat that says 'Go Away'.'