Anti-fashionista Gifts

'I'd rather be wearing a plain white t-shirt.'

"Now here's one that has the glamour above the table."

"The weatherman said dress for the mid 70's. Bob was elated." "Much. Too. Sexy."

'Ouwth! Bid my tong!'

Punkins

'I hate waking up with coffin hair.'

As Seen Watching TV

"Jeepers creepers! It's Madonna, but it's you, too, Margaret."

'Yeah, a lot of people say I look like Elvis. I think it's my eyes.'

Strange man has a nose monocle.

'The kids were rebelling against the new school uniform policy, so we had to make some design changes.'

"I thought I put on my 'big boy' pants this morning but apparently they were my 'fire me' pants."

'This associate has a first rate mind...and a third rate suit.'

Men's Department. I want a tie that says, "I hate ties."

"We're trying to give geriatrics a sexier image..."

Pizza and Karaoke

Rock and roll singer with old mike and three backing singers.

Wild and crazy salmon

'Do these pants come with bigger belt loops?'

Salad Hat

"What do you consider your most attractive feature and what are you doing about it?"

"The only joints we roll these days are our ankles."

The 80's boombox guy in the 21 century

'At least we don't have to worry about getting those as gifts.'

"Someone's been sending me J. Crew catalogues."

Louise Brooks caricature

'Sorry, I'm not disturbing you, am I?' (Man has tattoos, piercings, Satan on forehead)

'I never thought YOU'D go punk, Rapunzel.'

"I thought tonight we're gonna party like it's 1969."

Elton John

"It turns out you're not A, B or AB but the much rarer ABBA blood group."

'In my day, son, men didn't have rings through their noses until after they were married.'

Er! Exactly when was this 'dress for success' book you've been readng written?

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

'When they go around dressed like that, they're just looking for trouble!'