Anti-aging Aficionados Gifts

'No wrinkles or botox for me: I naturally change my skin every so often...'

Gullible prunes.

'I'm tellin' you, Maurice, you should try it. I feel younger, more confident and just yesterday I caught a coupla gibbons checkin' me out.'

Plastic Surgery: Growing Old Is Not An Option

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Ed's receding hairline!

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

My philosophy ... If you can't beat 'em, outlive 'em.

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

'We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?'

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

'If I knew it would mean all these hospital appointments, I'd never have got old!'

"He's one hundred and five years old and I think it's disgusting!"

"You'll see - when you get older, parts start to sag."

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

"That's Ms Pitt. She's been entrenched on high alert at the front desk for 42 years."

Warning: Contents may settle over time.