Anthropomorphic Fans Pillows

"Slop again?!"

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"If we only repeat what humans say whenever they're nearby... they won't realize we're aliens plotting to take over the planet."

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

"Did you just do a rooster?"

"...and yet it doesn't quite capture his thoughtful, contemplative side."

"Meow"

'Mom, the donut is drinking my milk!'

"I'm a monster."

"I'm not worried about you, Henley. You'll land on your feet."

Split the last one?

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

"You know, you're really cool – we should hang out sometime."

"When I go, I’d like my ashes dumped on top of a squirrel’s head."

"Goodness, grandma. What big deposits you made in offshore accounts without declaring it."

"Ahhh, right there. Right there!"

"We can't invite the cats and mailman and not invite the squirrels, right?"

"Just pick one!! We're already late!!"

"Ooooh. Suave, portly, and financially secure..."

"Don't trust his tail—I know a scallywag when I see one."

"Make it look like nine accidents.'

"Looks like some kind of laser beam. No sign of the murder weapon."

"Life is pointless."

“Face it, dear...you’re a chair. You’ll see a lot of ends, but very few beginnings.”

'I'll take the rest of this in a doggy bag.'

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

"The true story"

"You need a hobby."

"Can we have all of your candy, a dog biscuit and a smoke for my cat friend here?"

"No, this is the elephant."

"Don't even think about it."

"It's a human hand!"

"He wants to know if we've got a more dog-eared copy?"