Anniversary Of A Comedy Club Gifts

Custer's Last Stand-Up

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

Zombie standup

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

"You two seem oddly suited."

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"Would you like to try them out?"

I'm a paralegal, it's like a flying doctor, only it's about law.

Hypnotoon

Comedian faces audience of clowns: 'Ooh, tough crowd.'

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

'They are boneless, I didn't say anything about beaks.'

Death Beggar

"Hey. We’re in the doghouse every night. That’s the beauty of it."

"Uh-oh. The so-called marriage penalty."

'These are my 'golfing socks'... there's a hole in one!'

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

When Stupid People Get an Idea

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

"And for all of us here at the six-o'clock news—and don't forget we'll be appearing Saturday night at Mr. Fun—make it a good one!"

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

Polly Clinic.

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

'Nothing doing folks, except ? surprise, surprise ? here's another for you, Desert Island Bloke.'

"Stand-up comedy." "On-your-knees-with-gas-pain comedy." "Please, God, make it stop..."

The chefs were helping local actors who were tired of having short roles... by giving them a long loaf!

"Where are all the hecklers? I have some great rejoinders."

'Don't start an argument - you know how you hate intravenous feeding.'

Monet At Open Mic Night