Animal Testing Gifts

'Your honor - I own the patent to the entire guinea pig.' 'And I own the patent to the guinea pig's genes.'

"So Dennis, Daphne tells us you work for Delta Medical Research Laboraties."

Rat fools scientists after being given 'super intelligence drug'.

Although successful, Richard couldn't help feeling that his experiment was pointless.

"That's nuthin'. Yesterday he beat up Alex Rodriguez."

"What happened to us, Eddie? We used to be so goal-oriented."

'No doubt about it. As long as they don't understand the concept of medicine, the placebo won't work.

Lab rat shows lab assistant who to do a maze in a book.

'The ones who smoke, masturbate... the ones who don't smoke, masturbate... is this a study on smoking or masturbation?'

Scientist resembles mouse. He says: 'It's amazing to think that we share 99 per cent of the same genes.'

'...at least it's done something for our image.'

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

A day at the transgenic races

"Congratulations! It's a bitch!"

'We're a protected species and an endangered speices, but when I see a person, I don't know if he's protecting us or endangering us.'

The Z Chromosome: Zebratic engineering with questionable results.

"That, believe it or not, is also a mammal."

'We call these supernumerary teats!'

'I said: Leave my son alone!'

The life of penguins.

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

'Do you mind if I take a few pictures, Bill?

'Get me everything you have on bunny rabbits.'

'Hey - It says here, we're related!'

The Animal Researcher Reports...'I've been watching this herd of cattle for seven years, and to be frank, I haven't seen them do anything yet!'

'That hussy. She's always first in line for insemination.'

'Don't worry Darling, they're scientists'

'I told him we're becoming an endangered species. He just laughed.'

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

'Ta dum deedee dum -- DUM -- Bloop -- Fsst, tra la,,,'

An inbred poodle.

"Plastic?"

'I think we're losing sight of our roots.'