Animal Nutritionist Gifts

'One final question.. what's your policy on table scraps?'

Medicated animal feed.

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"Good For You / Bad For You"

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

You only have time for one: Choose your fighter - Exercise, Wash Your Hair, Eat, Breathe

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

"States of tofu"

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

'If he grabs the broccoli, we turn on the Raffi tunes. If he heads towards the Playstation, he hit him with the air horn at 100db.'

T-Bones STEAK House...NO sissy salad bar!...Heimlich expert always on duty'

Be Healthy

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

Raw food, after you leave for work.

'Chocolate milk, carrot cake,candied yams...see, there's a solution to everything!'

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"Too much sugar."

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

Bad for you but to die for

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"Winter is coming, and there will be months without much sunshine, so it's important that you take your vitamin D supplement Darling..."

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

Studies show foods work miracles!

'Congratulations on your 100% plant-based diet. I'm referring you to a botanist.'