Nutritionists Gifts

'Felder, I'd like a woman's opinion. Why isn't this selling?'

'92 elements in the Universe and you always have to chuck the compound NaCl all over your dinner!'

'If junk food is out and healthy food is in, what's going to happen to doctors?'

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

'It's not our wine list. It's a list of gastroenterologists.'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

Looking for the cause of high health care costs. . .

Dairy Products "It must be that genetically modified stuff"

'A good way to lose weight is to eat naked in front of a mirror.'

"If it's so good for you....couldn't it smell good too?"

"I'm not eating cookies before dinner. I'm having cookies for dinner!"

'Sure hope this doesn't give me heartburn. . .'

'It sure killed it for me when they changed it to 'this little piggy had mostly chicken and fish.''

'Alice, you REALLY need to lay off eating the chocolate turtles!'

'Glue will wreak havoc on your arteries.'

'How do you ever get sick?'

Faddy, fussy and pernickety eating. It's strictly the preserve of those without kids.

The only sound preventative health advice for holiday eating.

'Mom, I don't care how high in fiber they are. Broccoli flakes are going to fail as a breakfast cereal.'

'Not fair. This dessert is made out of broccoli and carrots.'

'Hello, Pappa John's. I'll take 2 large pepperoni pizzas. Hey honey, do we want them to hold the health insurance?'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

Eskimo to one with huge whale: 'You're sure it's all good cholesterol?'

'Bananas! Once you've skinned them and removed the bone, there's nothing left.'

'One tall caramel macchiato and a grande double shot latte with nipple?'

'Turkey's okay, but most of the trimmings are vegetables.'

Taking Vitamins.

“There once was a woman who lived in a can of prebiotic soda… & only then did she consume enough to reap the health benefits claimed on the label.”

"The egg and spoon race was a disaster, they eat all the eggs!"

"Broccoli, if I can't spell it I shouldn't have to eat it."

'Our new diet pills have been a disaster. The damn things work!'

"Sales of our diet pills have gone through the roof since we started making them out of hamburger."

Life in a food desert.

'It's all very simple. You're lacking in iron!'

Drug-Free Zone ... Except For Junk Food.