Nutritionist Gifts

Vending machines. Junk food. Robotic surgery.

'How much longer do I have before I have to change to a healthy lifestyle?'

'I have your test results. Your sugar is too high.'

"You can't eat that. It has nuts in it."

Popeye Switches to Kale.

"I vary her diet with a wide variety of pasta shapes."

'OK, that's two triple bacon double cheese burgers with extra mayo. Would you like a will with that?'

"I want you to cut down on the salt lick!"

"Oh, it's the best thing since small-batch, artisanal, unsliced bread."

"Medicine is giving the eat-drink-and-be-merry model another look."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

"You've got the blood pressure of a teenager ? who lives on junk food, TV and the computer."

New Studies Show All Foods Bad For You.

'The 'Humungo Meal' comes with your choice of 2 sides...heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes or obesity.'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

What Can We Do To Lose Weight?

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

Man in radiation suit with 'Fresh Farm Produce'.

'Your weight problem is partly genetic and partly Boston Cream pie.'

'You may not feel any healthier right away, but you'll definitely feel more smug.'

Horse's Feedback.

Chicken and the Food Pyramid,

'You're obese.'

'She read the ingredients listed on the label.'

"I do feel a lot better since we switched to the trans-fat free oil."

'Our menu is divided into three sections: Cancer causing foods, artery clogging foods, and foods that are being boycotted for political or environmental reasons.'

'Let's start by lowering your dosage of Omega-3.'

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

How can we improve our health?

Newspaper headlines - Butters kills, Margarine kills.

Woman on running machine next to a cake.

'How do we bake such delicious large muffins that have only 20 calories? Easy, false advertising.'

'Hi, my name's Krystyn, and I'll be the nutritionist liaison to your waiter tonight.'

'Is it me or is it a bad idea to eat at a place that prints CPR instructions on their placemats?'

"I eat cheap greasy food so I can save for my cardiologist bills in the future."