Animal-loving Cousin Pillows

"I know you're a working dog, Angus. I just don't have anything for you right now."

"And you wonder why they call me a bitch?"

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Caveman's dog with head outside car window.

"Can I keep them? I found him on the internet?"

'Why can't my walks be that fun?'

Haute Suture

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

Dog wearing a cone

'Fragile little dogs are not supposed to enjoy walks in such weather.'

'She still won't accept that she's the cat, and not the meow.'

Christmas Pets

"Your love gives me strength."

'@#$=%!} paparazzi!'

Separation

'We had him trained to stay off the furniture, right up until we gave up.'

'No, first start the engine, then bark!'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

Dog traps the postman.

'It says here: while most dogs are family dogs, some dogs like one family member more. Do you think Fritzi is like that?'

Endangered Species - Hardly/Slightly/Extremely.

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

Cat king.

'A bed just isn't the same without a person in it.'

"It's nice to be wanted."

'He's never going to graduate. How about giving him an honorary degree instead?'

"He's like having our own personal trainer. . ."

"The first thing we have to do is get you up there."

"Congratulations. It's a litter."

"I'm beginning to worry she might work out who is really in charge."

'Good dog!'

'No, Mrs. Dudley! If there's a bone in a chair, that means it's reserved for Marmaduke!'

'Mutt is very insulting and definitely politically incorrect, but where do I find an animal rights attorney at this hour of the night?'