Animal Joke Collector Gifts

Why did the chicken cross the road?

"Psst. Polly wants crack."

Why did the chicken cross the road?

"Kids, I'm not proud but this simplifies things considerably."

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

'I happened to swallow a bottle of rogaine!'

'Well well! Look who's here! Miss never-has-an-accident-on-the-rug!'

'I hope I'm not poisonous... I just bit my tongue.'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

The Rooster Comedian.

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

Useless add-ons.

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

Suffering from Cooties?

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

Irritable trowel syndrome.

"They're not Levi Strauss - they're not Levi Tate."

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

Psychiatrist - "Doctor, I keep imagining I'm being followed by an impersonator."

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

'Alphabet soup? What's alphabet?'

Shark infested custard!

Mexican Jumping Balls.

Cheating Death.

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

My daddy ate my homework