Animal Altruist Pillows

"This is exactly why I oppose free hand-outs."

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

"Matthew, did we agree to adopt a whale?"

'Now, think hard about it: Do you want to be known as the one who ate the last Dodo?'

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

'The environment people only worry about endangered species, not endangered individuals.'

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

"As an expert in loyalty, Fido will create an emotional bond with each customer."

Pets: This animal has not been tested on products.

'Fish store' 'All our products are dolphin-safe, whale-safe, turtle-safe, seahorse-safe.'

A smiling badger

'This is not what I expected when you said we were going to help an endangered species...'

Due to public pressure international wildlife groups give the Canada goose the official status of 'annoying.'

'If whales are so intelligent, why do they swim near Japan?'

'Oh yeah, ths boss is going to love the new hire.'

My master abandoned me because I had more 'likes' than he does. Please help.

"Miss Sadie did remember several pets in her will."

"So anyway, I found a worm on the path the other day and carried it to safety. Then I hear: 'Hey! I was heading the other way!"

Angry Bulls about to try out their version of Butchering on an unsuspecting Butcher

"Too bad for you that the judge rules in favor of dogs playing in varsity sorts."

Man Diverts the Hunt...and hides the fox!

"It's funny...back when I first signed up to 'Adopt an Endangered Manatee', I thought they just wanted me to send money. Instead, little Julia came along and changed my life forever."

'I wanted to hear the pita pata of tiny feet so he bought me a hamster.'

"I haven't been fond of humans since one of them coined the phrase, 'in the soup'."

'Hello, Amnesty International?'

'May I strongly suggest the soy burger?'

Another Cultured Meat Experiment Ends in Failure.

"Okay, we've donated to the Food Bank, Feed the Hungry, Food for Life, Hunger Helpers, Starving World, Second Helpings. . . is anyone else getting hungry?"

"Who the hell keeps doing that?"

"I'll throw around the 'old pigskin' as long as the pig isn't still in it."