Angst Artist Gifts

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

The Teen Years of A Red Delicious.

"Fill me in so I can panic too."

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

"A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something."

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Worries of the first single cell organism. Should I divide? Maybe I won't like my other self! Maybe it won't like me! Two might be nice company. Three, though, that could be crowded.

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

'Of course I'm depressed. I've run out of places to pierce.'

"I'm an expert in crisis management, I've got three daughters!"

"Dear Mom and Dad: Thanks for the happy childhood. You've destroyed any chance I had of becoming a writer."

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

Stu just wanted to participate in the outdoor art class. . . alone. . . but Bob went ahead and invited himself anyway. . .

Teenage Shakespeare

A man jumps out of a window to avoid an injection.

"My parents are nice, school's going well, and I'm basically a good kid. Unfortunately, there's no money or fame in being normal."

"Since I heard there was a monster I can't sleep at night!"

"Sit in the car. The doctor will be with you shortly to treat your road rage."

'I can never do anything with my hair phobia.'

"I've learned to express my anger through my writing instead."

Girl to other re: Drama Class: 'Is that where all the girls gossip and fight over guys?'

Uncomfortably open Mike night.

Why hamsters don't sleep at night.

Idlewild.

'Well, Carrie, it's great that you were able to express some of those repressed emotions!'

"If anything happens, Janice, I love you."

"'Baldo, why did you do this?'...'Baldo why did you do that?' The trouble with being a teenager is that nobody understands me! And that includes me."

"The virus can live on cardboard! Plus, I miss fishing."

"Don't mess with him - he's a hard bastard. . . !"

Yes, the world would be a different place if I hadn't taken that wrath management class.

Heart palpitations. What? I've got sweaty palms, weak knees, aches, dizzy, warm brow

Rebel without a pause...and another ting I'm not going to put up with blah!blah!blah!

That's when I decided why should I care

'If you want to yell at our service agent because you're a frustrated psycho who has no say at home or work, and want to take it out on others, press 1.'

How to spot the early signs of Book Fair meeting meltdown.