Ancient Egypt Aficionados Pillows

"I know, but my mom knitted it for me."

"What the...They wrapped me in toilet paper!"

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

'Shoot, this is nothing, you should have seen how good we had it back in ancient Egypt.'

Sundial Time

'I hope you like this, dear. I got the recipe from Gordon Ramses, latest cookery hieroglyphics.'

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

"Have your people call my people."

"Oh look Pharaoh a miniature replica of your final resting place."

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

The Birth of the Pyramid Marketing Sales Scam (circa 4,000 BC)

Curse or not, Dave had to pass this exam.

Mummy Busks For Coins For His Cases

'Thank goodness next week we'll be in a new dynasty and we can make some other style of pottery.'

'Do you know what's worse than being a mummy? Being a mummy with a prostate!'

'So, Pharaoh, what sort of collateral do you have to put down on this $2 billion Great Pyramid you want to build?'

Ancient Grammar Police: 'Oh, for cryin' out loud...you never end a sentence with a . . .'

How to create a password you can remember...

'I know it's only a dummy run...but I'm telling you there's no wi fi signal in the tomb.'

'The spheres keep rolling away, Your Majesty -- how about we just build a pyramid?'

'Looks like they were sun worshippers.'

'The spheres keep rolling away, Your Majesty -- how about we just build a pyramid?'

'Mummy' clocking into to work

Socrates, 399 B.C: 'Wow, I could have had a V-8.'

"Just so you know, I'm taking all this with me into the afterlife."

"We're pretty sure it's the West Nile Virus."

Mummy Toilet Roll.

"Could you explain this 2500 year gap in your resume?"

"Look - I've just invented the spade!..."

'Get the media over here! I want them to see how well my jobs program is working.'

Spaghetti Mummy

"What's a two-dimensional picture for 'rhymes with blinks?'"

I'm not convinced that the pyramids of Giza were built as tombs. Sure they were used as tombs, but for all we know, they were built far earlier by some other civilization, and the pharaohs just claimed credit for them. How do we know the pyramids weren't something far more high-tech, like for instance hydroelectric power generators for an advanced civilization? You tell me, how did you charge your cellphone back in 10,000 B.C.? Hydropower from the tears of dorks, here, let me show you ...

'Sorry, but I'll have to call back...I'm all wrapped up at the moment.'

The Lesser Pyramids