Ancient Cultures Explorer Gifts

The Eleventh and Least Effective Biblical Plague...

'These vestals, are they 'extra' virgin?'

"I couldn't care less if being Homo Sapiens is the latest trend. While you're living in our cave, you better act like a true Neanderthal."

Messengers.

Egyptian Statue Provides Reading Material

Roughly translated it says' Happy Hour.'

"Sorry, this is in Hebrew, and I only read Hieroglyphics!"

"Oooh. . . I've got sand under my wrappings and it's so itchy. . !!"

Zeus's Caddy

EU and India partnership.

"Underweird bras."

"I'm having my entrails read."

Egyptian chiropractor.

Pyramid Handicap Parking

Pompeii restoration project.

"Sadie, I just heard they discovered lots of ancient cities buried hundreds of years ago in the jungles of Cambodia. They've each got weird geometric patterns outlining what may have been gardens. But no one really knows what they were used for. I guess what I'm asking you is... what were they used for? Y'know, since you were there to see them in their prime. They were used for ritual sacrifices of dullards. For educational purposes, I shall now perform one."

Mummy Tourist

"I spy with my little eye..." "The ocean! It's always the ocean!"

Awaiting the sensation of a short sharp shock

"What's your earliest memory, Sadie?" "You can not get under my skin, loser." "Maybe I can help you figure it out: were people wearing powdered wigs, or were they wearing togas?" "Did they live in primitive huts, or in trees?" "I'm not listening!" "Were they standing upright, or swimming in a primordial sea?" "You're about to be swimming in primordial soup."

"I'm sorry. . . but I can't understand a symbol you're saying."

Painted into a corner.

Archimedes statue tipped up by a lever.

Euripides

Admirable People - No.7. The man who invented writing before anyone could read.

"He's an intelligence gatherer."

Egypt 1896. Dr Howard Prendergast and Percy Smythe discover the tomb of King Ahktuman the Practical Joker, proving conclusively that the ancient Egyptians were the first culture to use whoopee cushion.

"It's called monotheism, but it looks like downsizing to me."

Cavewoman knitting with wool from mammoth

"I crawl that I may savor the richness and diversity of people and places along the way."

Archaeologists doing a Selfie

'I'm the one who sold King Tut his tomb. The commission was huge.'

'...and it must be self-fiancing.'

'And that's your idea of a desk calendar...'

'Right there is where he departs from the script.'